Vol 1, No 12 Editors:

June, 1963 Len Shearer

Ron Landers

* * * * * * *

The May club social was one of the brightest held for quite a time. Almost everyone turned up in fancy dress, and those who didn’t were fined. Among the costumes were: Anne B. as Annie Oakley; Anne C. and Rae as two Charlston Twins; Maurie M. as a schoolboy; his sister Elaine "Bernie Briquette"; Lila Lynch a schoolgirl in uniform (with slip showing); Janice J. representing "Night Trots"; Richard as a sleepwalker; Alex became Dr. McLean; Cynthia the Mad Scientist; Len the Hula Boy; Dennis Weaver as Miss Weaver; Peter Philferan as Mrs Philferan; Joyce in Charlston outfit; Rex was a clown (more so than usual); Ron F. I couldn’t work out; Ken K. as one of the Flinstone Family; Jeanette as an Indian Girl; Danny as a Cowgirl; Ted the Spaceman; and a few others I cannot remember, with apologies. Nice to see Tom Garrett back after his accident. Also first-socials for Anne B., Janice J. and Lionel L., on his new-style Vespa G.S. And not forgetting Elaine Kelly and Lila Lynch too. Alex won the raffle for the chook, and Len won the fags for the Monte Carlo. The cigs were auctioned for 5/3 for club funds! Dance took place with Ron F. as compere. Three bods from the Vespa Club arrived, and were welcomed to join in, which they did very willingly. Bob G. showed his newly decorated helmet, and the club decided to adopt the idea as a uniform club helmet adornment. White with two blue stripes and M.S.A.V. on front, and name on the back make them stand out very well. A new social committee was elected, consisting of Richard and Ron, the two original members, and Cynthia and Janice, the two new ones. Congratulations to both. Films were shown by Ian C., and also a few slides taken by Rex and Len during the trip to Sydney. One of the Vespa-ite George M. was flashed on and off again. (What happened to his clothes?). Supper vanished with the usual speed, and the evening finally came to a close well after midnight.

Bob G. and Janice J. were messing about. Bob picked up his opponent. Mike S. broke in with: "Bobby, you naughty boy, put that woman down. You don’t know where she’s been."

Here are a few hints on keeping your scooter looking brand spanking new. A few hours spent on cleaning can completely alter its appearance:

BODYWORK: Before attempting to polish your machine, wash it all over thoroughly to remove road grit and dust. Any car shampoo or soap and warm water will do the job well. Then dry it off with a soft cloth. You will now be able to spot little blemishes which rust will quickly attack if not remedied. Rub down the damaged area with fine wet-and-dry. When the surface is completely dry and free from dust given the area several coats of a touch-up paint of the same colour. Rub down the fresh paint when dry to a matching finish. Finally, complete the job by polishing the machine with a good brand of wax polish.

RUBBER: Clean down tyres and all other rubber fittings with soap and warm water. This gets rid of that filmy look and is best used with a small scrubbing brush or scourer. Wipe dry after washing. To apply a touch of freshness back to the old rubber, you can polish them with black boot polish. However, if you wish to do so, you can by a tin of tyre black from any service station.

VYNEX: Thoroughly wash seats with soap and warm water, rinse with cold clean water and dry it off with a soft cloth. It is possible to buy vinyl cleaners also, and these do a first class job. After cleaning carefully, a coat of wax polish will protect it from damp weather.

PERSPEX: This is for those scooterists who have windscreens on their machines. Wash thoroughly with soap and warm water and dry down with a very soft cloth. Don’t use any abrasive material (eg sand soap or pot cleaner), as perspex scratches very easily. Perspex cleaners can be obtained which also do a first class job. These cleaners generally remove any small scratches from the screen. If there are deep scratches, jeweller’s rouge does the trick. Finally, after making certain that all the marks are cleared off; a power-tool buffing outfit will give a "new" brilliance to the item in question.

ALLOY: All alloy castings can be freed of grease and dirt with an application of kerosene/phenyl mixture. Special cleaners can also be obtained for engine cleaning at any service station. For polishing after cleaning we are told that Solvol Autosol is proving very popular, also obtainable at the garage. A very light coating of clear lacquer will protect fittings and will make cleaning easier next time.

CHROME: If rust has penetrated into the metal, clean it right down with steel wool and a metal finish. If the chrome is in good condition and is only dirty, a tin of chrome cleaner will bring it back to new. During the winter months, a coat of clear lacquer offers good protection against the elements.

FIBREGLASS: If your machine has any of this material, it can be taken care of as follows: Hand-X or similar hand cleaners will first of all clean away any road dirt. Rub well into the surface and leave for 15 minutes for grease to absorb into the surface. Next, wash off all traces of cleaner with clean cold water. Dry thoroughly with a soft cloth. Check for any scratches or chips, and if necessary, touch up. If the surface is in good order, you may apply a coat of wax and then polish to a shine.

Why don’t life’s problems hit us when we are eighteen and know everything.

Twenty-one of us attended the Forum Theatre on Thursday, May 16, to see the film "The Notorious Landlady". Enjoyed by all, and supper followed at "The Mimosa Café". Pancakes were the order of the night, and we were given steak knives to cut them with (fortunately). "Pre-chewed bubble gum", "squid gizzard", "old tyre" and "stale tripe, uncooked" were perfect descriptions of them. The hot coffee was cold, and the iced coffee was warm. The bill was high. Can thoroughly recommend it if you dislike after-show suppers.

And there they were, him and her, having a session on the hessian with no ration on the passion.

Eight members attended a showing of slides at Malcolm Bevan’s home on Saturday, May 18. Time unfortunately did not permit the showing of all that we had, and supper was served at 11 o’clock. Many thanks are extended to Malcolm and parents for a pleasant evening at their home.

The benefits of being single can be glowingly described by any married man.

A good number of 12 machines gathered on Sunday, May 12 for our trip to Powelltown. Janice brought a friend, Angela, and Len brought Tessy. Also along was Kevin Sheehy, who took a prize in the recent trial held in conjunction with the university. Kevin rides a Lambretta 125. Discarded Peter’s "Smokey" at Forest Hill, owing to mechanical trouble, met Tom G., and proceeded to Lilydale, where we met the Y.M.C.A. Club. They decided to ride with us, and their five members (Mike, Bep, John, Dave and Sydney) did so. Also met Lionel Lobbe on his new Vespa G.S. Made Powelltown in good time, and had lunch. Following this, we began a game of "Poison Ball", and then Australian Rules Soccer. During this latter match, outstanding players were Fred "Captain Blood" Carron, Cynthia "Goal-sneak" Noble, Bep "Expert" Slee, and not forgetting Ron "Robber" Fordham (the umpire). Game finished level, with three-all. Left for home at 3.00pm or so, and apart from Tessy giving trouble, had a pleasant trip home.

FRIDAY, JUNE 7: Club social. Auction Night. Bring any useful junk that might be sold to help raise club funds. Followed by dance, games, supper. Club Hall, 8.00pm.

SUNDAY, JUNE 9: Trip to Blackwood and Barry’s Reef. Come and search for old gold mines. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

SATURDAY, JUEN 15: Rotating Party. Five course meal, each course at a different suburb. To be arranged by social committee. Price 5/- per head, payable at June club social.

SUNDAY, JUNE 23: Woodend and Hanging Rock. One we haven’t been to for ages. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

FRIDAY, JULY 5: Club social, discussion on club business, dance, games and supper. Club Hall, 8.00pm.

SUNDAY, JULY 7: Crib Point — our yearly mid-winter swim. Bring towels, bathing suits, straightjackets. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

SATURDAY, JULY 13: Ice Skating at St. Moritz. Alexandra Avenue, 7.15pm

SUNDAY, JULY 21: Tooradin and Korumburra. Come and try a bit of fishing. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 2: Club social. Concert Night. All members are asked to perform some item, whether atrocious or outrageous. Dance, games, supper. Club Hall, 8.00pm.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 4: Trip to Fairy Anakie. Our first time there. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 9: Dinner Dance at a pub or night spot somewhere. Full details to be arranged. Deposits due and payable at August social.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 18: To Mount Donna Buang for snow (s’no kidding). Come and throw a snowball at your best friend. Alexandra Avenue, 8.30am sharp.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 1: Morning at indoor bowls somewhere. Alexandra Avenue 10.00am.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6: Club social. Pyjama Night. Let’s see if the Charlies are game to wear their "Baby Doll" outfits, and the males their night-shirts. Club Hall, 8.00pm.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8: Sunbury and Lancefield. Don’t know what’s there, so let’s go and see. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14: Mystery Trip. Details cannot be revealed, as we don’t know anything about it.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22: Challenge Football Match, M.S.A.V. v. The Vespa Club. Place to be arranged (will be about 30-40 miles from City). Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

Blimey, cupid must be using an automatic bonwanarrer this year. Hear that John Dynon and Sandra Gaskin from the Vespa Club are the latest victims. Congratulations to both. (Actually, I thought our club was the only one that the little man visited).

What is worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis.

Four "strange" machines joined our ranks on Sunday, May 26 for our tour to the You Yangs and Bacchus Marsh. First was Robert Stevens, who owns a Diana. Then came John Ferguson, making his first appearance on his Maico. Dave and Mike O’Keefe, on Lambretta and Heinkel respectively, were the other two. Ken also brought along nephew Lance. A very cheery welcome to all these. Left at 9.20 with Malcolm’s car following. Dave had a slight touch of slipping clutch, just after we lost Anne B., who decided to go for a tour on her own. Then we lost Rex. Gathered at Werribee to find Dave’s liddle bruvver Mike had got lost and apparently gone home. A search by John F. failed to locate him. Lunched at the You Yangs and a very short game of cricket followed, with Anne and Cynthia starring. Left for the Marsh and arrived there at 3.00pm or so. Wined and dined (ie, coked and caked), and left for home after almost everyone ran out of petrol. Dispersed at Deer Park, and half went to Ken’s place for a cuppa, and the other half went home.

Many years ago there lived a very rich king. One of his sons was very jealous of his wealth, and so one day he stole the king’s jewells and his throne. He sold the jewels for a fortune and built himself a huge glass castle. Inside it he carefully hid the throne. The king’s guards happened to look through the transparent walls, however, and promptly arrested the scoundrel. He was tried and in due course was punished. The moral?

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t stow thrones,

Then there’s the bloke who spoke to a friend through a flyscreen door. He strained his voice.

Try and say this one quickly ten times: Sudden Summer Thunderstorms. I came across it while typing at work, but after several attempts to perform the task correctly, found it was quite easy. By the time I had finished I was all thingers and fumbs.

The modern motor scooter cable has reached a stage of near-perfection from a design point of view. Various makers are now producing pre-formed and non-fraying stranded steel inner cables. The fittings are precision made, the outer casings are waterproof and each cable is heavily lubricated inside before leaving the factory. And yet, breakages still occur. This is not the fault of the designer or manufacturer. Unhappily, 99 per cent of the blame must be laid on the rider himself.

Other than in exceptionally rare cases, cable breakage is due to one of three things. Poor maintenance, incorrect fitting, or the use of a wrong cable. The first is, of course, responsible for most cable failures. The most vulnerable area is that short length of exposed inner which should be kept clean, free of grit particles and heavily greased. Lubricant does not last forever though, and most owners do not give nearly enough regular attention to cable oiling to ensure a long, smooth working life. In winter, during prolonged wet periods, once weekly (and not weakly) is not too often to be working on cables with the oil can.

And it isn’t just the cable itself which needs regular lubrication. The control lever fulcrum and the lever nipple recess should also receive a few drops of oil at regular intervals. The whole object of the exercise is, of course, to cut down all possible friction sources. Bad fitting and poor maintenance are both equally to blame when breakages do occur. It is no good at all trying to tuck control cables out of the way neatly at the expense of smooth operation. After all, the flexible cable was first introduced to replace the control rod, and although it certainly has infinitely more latitude than the latter, it should never be forgotten that a straight line pull creates the least resistance, and therefore the least friction. Apart from giving long control cable life, a straight cable will make control operation that much smoother.

Fitting a replacement cable that is too short or is not robust enough for the job in hand is the third cause of failure. Never ask your dealer merely for a replacement cable. Take the original along and don’t be satisfied until has been exactly matched. This is very important, for machine manufacturers often alter their cable layout from year to year without mentioning such minor modifications in their brochures. The lengths of inner and outer respectively should not be appreciably different and the shape and size of both end nipples should match.

Lastly, remember that once one strand of inner wire has been severed subsequent deterioration will be rapid, so take the trouble to inspect inner cables near the nipples at regular intervals. By replacing a faulty inner in good time, you will avoid damage to the outer.

The flirtatious young male scooterist pulled up alongside the attractive girl walking along the side of the main highway. "Would you care for a left?" he asked almost too eagerly. "No thanks", came the reply, eyeing his machine dubiously, "I’m in a hurry".

Sorry to hear that one of our members, Richard Henry, met with an accident on Tuesday, May 21. Hope he is up and around again very quickly. At present he is recuperating in St Vincent’s Hospital, and will be there for about another fortnight. We will miss his cheerful person on our club runs, and sincerely hope that his recovery is speedy.

Male centipede to friend as female centipede walks by: "There goes a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs."

Two dills were having lunch. One said: "Would you like some tea"?

Reply: "Yes please". Sound of tea splashing out. Pause. "Milk?" "Yes please." Another pause, "Do you take sugar?" "Yes, two lumps thanks." Pause. "Would you like some cream in it?" "Oh, rather." "Shall I stir it?" "Definitely." "Now, let me see, have I forgotten anything?" "Yes, the cup."

Sense of humour, he what make you laugh at something that make you mad if it happened to you.

My Uncle Charlie was a dustman. One day he put his head up out of the cart and copped a faceful of fresh air. The shock was too much for his poor old lungs, and he collapsed. His fellow workmen had to tip seven buckets of garbage over him to revive him.

Have you ever given any thought to the work performed by a club’s committee? Let’s have a look at the various members of a normal five-man committee and the tasks done by them.

THE PRESIDENT: This person is generally regarded as being the most authoritative voice on the committee. The president has to use wisdom and patience in dealing with any club matters. He normally takes the position of chairman at official meetings, and is usually called upon to make any congratulatory or other speeches. He is also concerned with the promotion and publicising of the club and its activities as far as possible.

THE VICE-PRESIDENT: As the name implies, he is an assistant to the president. He is called on if necessary to stand in the place of the president, should the latter be absent or unavailable. Here again, wisdom and patience are important, combined with the ability and confidence to speak publicly.

THE SECRETARY: Without a doubt, the hardest worker in a club. The secretary handles all correspondence, both incoming and outgoing, makes any necessary telephone calls, signs cheques, receives telephone calls, keeps lists of members and addresses, helps in promotion of club activities, and in general does a tremendous job. Responsible is one quality definitely needed for such a position. Without a hard working secretary, a club can become disorganised.

THE MINUTE-SECRETARY: This official of the committee is entrusted with the task of keeping records of what takes place at club meetings. Other duties also include the typing of letters, an unenviable job which can take up quite a considerable amount of time. This job can be made a lot easier by co-operation from other members.

THE TREASURER: Last, but not least, is the person who handles the money. Apart from spending the club’s funds, the treasurer has to keep full records of what is spent, what is received, chase members for subscriptions, sign cheques when necessary, keep in constant touch with the bank, produce a balance sheet at the end of the financial year.

These jobs probably sound quite simpler on paper. Actually, one has to undertake one of them for 12 months to appreciate what is really done by a committee. So, next time the committee is arranging a function for the benefit of members, try and do your utmost to support them. Remember, it is you, the club members, who have put the office-bearers into power so that they may run the club to your benefit and to your liking. Help them as much as possible, and you will be surprised how much more you enjoy the activities of the club.

The Vespa Club staged a trial,

Made up by Thomas Brown,

We did not know

To where it would go

That Sunday when we met in town.

Our club was well represented,

Upon that wintry day,

By Cynthia and Ken,

Ted, Rich and Len,

And Rex and Bob and Rae.

We all began quite smartly,

Towards the north we went

We drove our loads

On different roads

Following maps that Tommy had lent.

Diamond Creek was first stop

And then to Yarra Glen

We began to curse

As the roads got worse

And we lunched at Mount Evelyn.

To find "Upper Beaky" was awkward,

The road to Emerald was rough,

We started to wonder

If they’d made a blunder

When trying to type out the stuff.

The Bunyip clue nearly stumped us,

We almost gave it away,

We started to worry,

And then had to hurry,

To stop number 6 (Five Ways).

The final stop was Chadstone,

And glad to arrive were we.

We were going so fast

We nearly went past

In the DARK it was hard to see.

Ken and Len took first prize,

The Vespa Club were second.

The "Y.M." heard

Came in as third,

In all, a mighty trial, we reckon.

Television is really remarkable. They keep those old movies from dying no matter how long ago they were shot.

Modern science has now devised a miracle drug that is so powerful that a person has to be in a state of perfect physical health to take it.

A lecturer was abusing the sinful, and he said: "Do any of you know what good, clean fun is?"

Anonymous voice: "No, what good is it?"

Rather like a baby — the longer you nurse it, the bigger it grows.

Several years ago at a small bush town church, a young lady named Miss Helen Hunt found a gold watch in the church grounds. She promptly handed it to the minister. The following Sunday, the good cleric, after concluding his sermon, stated: "A gold watch has been found in the church yard. If the owner wants it back, he, or she, can go to Helen Hunt for it."