Subject: Beware synthetic oil

Beware of synthetic oil, it can do terrible things to
you and your beloved
motorcycle. It will not only leak out of your engine
faster than you can put
it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog
and implode, dumping
debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also
will make every part
of your bike permanently slippery because of its
linear molecular chain
dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your
kickstand causing it to
retract automatically, dropping your bike on the
ground! But that's not
all...

Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your
bearings. It will also
splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to
fall off in the apex of a
turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic
oil coats your sight
window and your timing window with a whitish
pro-emulsification additive
that is both non-removable and highly corrosive.
Synthetic oil will
completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog
will drink it and
die.

Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your
battery leak. It will
give you the desperate need to urinate after you put
your full leathers on
and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate
your gasoline causing
your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate
uncontrollably near
police cars. It will make it rain during rallies and
on weekends. It will
lubricate four timing belts causing them to jump teeth
and break your valves
to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens desmodromic
valves and causes the
clearances to change every six miles. Then it melts
the black soles of your
riding boots night before you walk across your new
carpeting.

While riding past groups of attractive women it will
cause both of your
handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you
smash your windscreen
with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your
swingarm to crack, your
studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it
voids your warranty by
changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It also
dries out your wetclutch
and wets your dryclutch. It makes your clutch slave
cylinder seal fail in
the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year
while putting an angry
wasp in your helmet for good measure.

Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts
superglue on your earplugs.
Synthetic oil will scratch your faceshield and make
your gloves shrink two
sizes night before trackday. Synthetic oil stole your
neutral and sold it to
the Chinese for $1.25. Synthetic oil will make you
grow a tail. Synthetic
oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet
friends and then sign
your name at the bottom!